Peeves
I have finally begun showing, or rather I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that I am showing. Although my rational mind knows that I am pregnant and not fat, there is a part of me that is reading up on diet tips a little too eagerly. Although I am not a dieter or an exerciser by nature, my changing body seems to have triggered this response in my mind that I need to lose weight. I think I am afraid that after having a baby I will be destined to be fat (or fatter to be honest). This is such a concern for me that I am shocked by my own vanity. I love clothes and dressing up and looking hot as much as the next woman but because I was so thin till I turned 23 or 24 I was never bothered by the weight I’d gained after getting married. I think I’d always assumed I could lose it when I wanted and it was a relief not having people trying to feed me up.
However the last two years have been challenging for me because I finally realised that I wasn’t magically becoming slimmer and in fact my weight was creeping up way part pleasantly rounded/healthy and into the dreaded overweight category. Not that I was unduly bothered by it but I did make an effort to make it to the gym as much as I could to try and least be active and healthy, if not thin. I was just sick of the word thin, it’s so abused in the media and now to me thin connotes anorexic/sick.
Now my weight has become one of my underlying anxieties about my pregnancy (along with labour and hemorrhoids). I am not inclined in the least to diet but I worry that I may have put on more weight than is ideal. I’m afraid that I won’t lose the weight and just become more and more matronly until I become invisible as a woman and am just another mom. Nearly all my friends who are mothers still carry around a goodly percentage of the weight they gained while pregnant and complain of how hard it is to lose it when you don’t have the time to spend on yourself.They talk about this almost obssesively - and this more than the never ending anecdotes about their children is one of the things I find boring about motherhood.
and I am obviously well on my way there.
