In a strange room you must empty yourself for sleep. And before you are emptied for sleep, what are you. And when you are emptied for sleep, you are not. And when you are filled with sleep, you never were. I dont know what I am. I dont know if I am or not. Jewel knows he is, because he does not know that he does not know whether he is or not. He cannot empty himself for sleep because he is not what he is and he is what he is not. Beyond the unlamped wall I can hear the rain shaping the wagon that is ours, the load that is no longer theirs that felled and sawed it nor yet theirs that bought it and which is not ours either, lie on our wagon though it does, since only the wind and the rain shape it only to Jewel and me, that are not asleep. And since sleep is is-not and rain and wind are was, it is not. Yet the wagon is, because when the wagon is was, Addie Bundren will not be. And Jewel is, so Addie Bundren must be. And then I must be, or I could not empty myself for sleep in a strange room. And so if I am not emptied yet, I am is. How often have I lain beneath rain on a strange roof, thinking of home.
"This is how panic starts: I am
watching time move by and
counting out my failures by
the second hand. I am three
feet tall and regret is a
mountain. I wish I had made
better choices today and
last week and six years ago.
It’s the middle of the night
and there is nothing to take
focus away from all the things
I wish had gone differently."
"There is also, though, the question of quality. God is it true, that getting into Yale was the last uncomplicatedly good thing I can remember doing, the last time I felt certain and unmixed pride about what I had accomplished and where I was going. It was so easy to explain: I was going to college, I was going to Yale, I was doing what was expected of me at (by admittedly arbitrary measures) the highest possible level. That’s one of the big things I’ve been wrestling with, I think, the last few years: it’s one thing to know that you can’t be an A student forever, and it’s another to live with the compromises that daily adult life calls for. I just can’t quite get used to it. I want to be eighteen again, and promising, and sure. Or I don’t, really. I would never be myself at eighteen again, for love or money or anything. That girl didn’t know shit. That’s the hideous paradox of growing up: you get better at knowing what you want and how to get it, but those things get more complex and elusive, until ultimately they are impossible. All it took, then, was a college acceptance. I mean: look at everything I have now, and have learned not to think of as enough."
1. Your body is in flux for the rest of your life. Think of your body as fluid instead of static — it’s always going to change. So get comfortable with those changes.
2. No one will love you or not love you because of your body. You are lovable because you’re you, not because your body looks a certain way.
3. The most intensely personal relationship you’ll ever have is with your body. It’s a lifelong relationship that’s well worth investing in and nurturing the same way you would with loved ones.
4. You don’t owe your body to anyone. Not sexually, not aesthetically. Your body is yours. Period.
5. What someone else says about your body says more about them than it does about you. Look past the actual snark to the person who’s saying it, because it’s only a reflection of what they think of themselves. That’s when you’ll see how little power their words have.
6. Your body is not a reflection of your character. It’s a physical home for the complex and wondrous and unique being that is you.
7. Take up as much space as you want. You don’t have to be small, or quiet, or docile, regardless of your physical size.
8. Everything you need to accept your body is already inside you. There’s no book, or diet, or workout routine or external affirmation that you need to feel good about your body right now.
9. Your body is a priority. It’s always trying to tell you things. Taking the time to listen to is of the utmost importance.
10. Wear whatever you want. Your body shape does not dictate your personal style, and fashion rules that say otherwise are wrong. Dress yourself in a way that makes you feel happy and confident and beautiful, because guess what? You are.